On Spiritual Friendship
Aelred of Rievaulx wrote this treatise on spiritual friendship during his years as abbot of the Cistercian monastery at Rievaulx in Yorkshire, completing it between 1142 and 1147. The work emerged from Aelred's pastoral experience guiding monks in community life and his conviction that human friendship, properly understood, could serve as a pathway to divine love rather than an obstacle to it. Drawing on Cicero's classical dialogue on friendship while transforming it through Christian insight, Aelred created what would become the medieval period's most influential exploration of friendship as a spiritual discipline.
The treatise unfolds as a dialogue between Aelred and his monks, progressing through three stages of friendship: carnal, spiritual, and divine. Aelred argues that while worldly friendships based on pleasure or advantage ultimately disappoint, spiritual friendship between those who share love of Christ creates an unbreakable bond that mirrors and participates in divine love itself. He insists that such friendship requires careful discernment in choosing companions, gradual testing of character, and the willingness to offer correction as well as comfort. The work's central insight is that "God is friendship" - that the love shared between spiritual friends is not merely analogous to divine love but is actually a participation in the very life of the Trinity.
De Spirituali Amicitia became a foundational text for understanding Christian community and has influenced spiritual directors and theologians across centuries. Its integration of classical wisdom with Christian mysticism created a model for how human relationships can become means of grace rather than distractions from God. The treatise speaks particularly to those seeking to understand how deep personal relationships fit within the spiritual life, offering a vision of friendship that is both demanding and transformative. This work is essential reading for spiritual directors, those in religious communities, and anyone wrestling with how to love particular people while pursuing universal love of God.